Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
