Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
