Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
