I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
