I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
