your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
