My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You took a bar mat shot.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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