I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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