i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
