All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
