I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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