I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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