I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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