i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize