May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
