Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
