If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
