i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
