I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Randomize
