Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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