It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
