just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
