Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Randomize
