My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
