Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
