I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
God, I missed his penis.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
