Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
