Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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