Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
