dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
