in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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