i wish semen tasted like chocolate
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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