She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize