Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
