I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
