they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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