No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
