he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
