By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
