Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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