You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
