Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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