Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
