How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
