i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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