When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
