Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
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