tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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