I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
