don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
