I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
