the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
