I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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