**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize