i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
it hurts more in the daytime
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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