Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks

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(901): View more from Tennessee

I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money

(813): View more from Florida

sounds like you understand them just fine

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(858): View more from California

she takes plan B like it's going out of style

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(513): View more from Ohio

you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.

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(806): View more from Texas

If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut

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(518): View more from New York

you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was

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(509): View more from Washington

Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.

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(360): View more from Washington

you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations

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