Tell her she can't have a vagina
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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