What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
