I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
