***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
