he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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