Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
