"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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