Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
