When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize