I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
